You may not have noticed yet, but I am totally obsessed with all things “boat”. More specifically attempting to fix them. Not that I have the skills to undertake these activities, but fuck me do I enjoy it. It is a literal obsession. The dream is one day to make this a full-time thing. For fun, not money. No money though, becomes a bit of a problem when you have a pub habit along with a whole host of other lifestyle choices.
With that in mind, last week I decided I’d reach out to as many tool companies, chandleries and any other boat related companies in the hopes I’d manage to get some free stuff, or even some money to be able to afford to do this boaty thing full-time. It hasn’t gone well. Mainly because I have the sum total of forty-odd followers on Instagram. That’s a crime against humanity if you ask me. But you haven’t, so I’ll just sulk in the corner on my own. It’s one of the “Beasty Rules of Life” – if you don’t ask, you don’t get.
If you’re a regular visitor to my Instagram account, you may have noticed I have started “branding” my videos and taking a lot of direction from Corvetti, who actually works in that industry. If you’re not already following my account over on the dark side, DO IT NOW!
Anyway I digress. I have also designed a cap. Which is going to be on sale, just as soon as I can find a place that does them at an affordable price. At the moment they’re costing £25, and that’s without a little bit on the top for the Beasty Beer Fund. Pretty fucking shocking. Look, it’s pretty, innit? It’s definitely not £25 pretty, that’s for sure.
You may also have noticed that I have done a “squirrel” and been completely distracted by The Little Turd. I’ve been doing little odd jobs on the big boat, but I desperately want to get The Little Turd on the water properly. As usual I’m going OTT and the plans for the little shit are as follows:
- Install navigation lights (ordered, just waiting on delivery)
- Install a leisure battery to power the nav lights and other items which include:
- DAB radio
- Horn
- Small fridge/cooler box
- Spotlights
- Install foam decking (ordered and delivered, just needs installing – of course I measured incorrectly, shock horror and I need to order more. It’s out of stock on Amazon, because of course it is! Fuck My Actual Life) EDIT: As it happens this a fortuitous mistake. I managed to install what I had and realised it would look shitter than shit all the way through.
- Install oar clips (ordered and delivered, just need installing) EDIT: Installed
- 5 switch gang panel to control the electrics (ordered and delivered, just needs installing)
- Branding (Ordered and partly delivered, needs installing)
- Outboard
- Rails so I can attach…
- Small rail mounted braai (BBQ – for you souties*)
*Derogatory term for British people in S.A. Shortened from soutpiel, which roughly translated means “salt dick”, because back in the day British people had one foot in Britain, the other foot in S.A. and their cock was dangling in the sea.
I know this sounds like a bit of overkill but there’s a couple of reasons:
- When the boat is ready I am gifting it to Junior for his birthday.
- I’ll learn a few new skills in the process
Speaking of which that little 5 switch gang panel has me fucking stumped, the instructions are a one pager, with just an image. Look!
Bearing mind I can barely wire a normal electrical plug, this should be fun. Of course, with all these little bits of kit the boat is no longer exempt from a BSS (Boat Safety Scheme) certificate. Bureaucracy – one of my pet hates, but it has to be done, if only for the experience for when I sort the big boat out.
Let’s hope I don’t electrocute myself or set the turd on fire.
Booyaka Motherfuckers!