Noun
private dick (plural private dicks)(colloquial) A private investigator; a private detective.
Another post documenting my thirst/quest for knowledge about the boat. For months now I have been trying to trace the boat back to its original owner. That’s no easy task, let me tell you. Obviously I have had to work my way backwards from when I acquired the boat. In my searches I have only ever found one or two pictures of the boat, that weren’t taken by me. This week, I’ve spent countless hours delving into the dark world of boat stalking. If it’s not a thing it should be! Anyway I have found some new pictures of the boat and I can add a little bit of history to my growing dossier.
We all know I started off with “The Snail”, where the owner previous to me decided that glueing, screwing and nailing a shed to the back of the boat would enhance its appeal/value.
In an earlier search I managed to find an advert for the boat by the previous owner, where he listed it for £5000 (I’m still convinced that was a typo), and its location was listed at the very boat yard it’s at now. I’ve reached out to him via Facebook, but as yet, no reply. It may very well be that he’s checked my profile out and found himself on these very hallowed pages, and who can blame him if he wants nothing to do with me?
When I first bought the boat I joined an owner’s group on Facebook, and searched through their photo archives and I found a picture I hadn’t seen before. As you can tell, there wasn’t much to go on in order to extend my search from that picture. This week, I decided that I’d zoom in on the sign that’s attached to what I think is a barn. I managed to make out the name of the company advertised in the vain hope they will have been the owners. Wishful thinking there Beasty Boy! The sign is for a company that builds steel sheds for farms and equestrian businesses etc. That didn’t stop me from reaching out to them though. I’ve sent them a message explaining myself and asking whether they could recall which customer they built the shed for, and whether they could put me in contact with said customer. I’m still waiting, but I think I am clutching at straws.
I have trawled through hundreds upon hundreds of images on Google, in the hopes I could find the boat. I decided a new strategy was needed, Google doesn’t necessarily capture images from every single website on the planet. Cue signing up for Twitter, or X, or whatever-the-fuck it’s called these days. I know, Twitter and Beasty, never a good combination. But, hey, here we are and there’s not a lot we can do about it. So stop banging your head against the wall. It’s too late.
Anyway, once I’d signed up I went about doing a generic search for “Relcraft”. Guess what? Yup, that stripey motherfucker turned up in the results! So it looks like the boat was for sale back in June of 2019! It still looks as though it’s on a farm here, and sans snail parts. I tried clicking on the link in the post but it threw an “Item not found” error on eBay. I tried finding a way to find the original listing on there but to no avail. They must purge their archives after a certain number of years. It has been 5 years since it was posted.
Read a bit further on though, the boat has never been in water up until this point. What the hell? Why own a boat if you’re not going to put it in water? Bear in mind the boat was built in the late 70s, early 80s and it was being sold in 2019 without ever having been on water? Hmmm, perhaps farmer Brown mistook it for a new fangled combine harverster? Who knows. But dead end for me.
I decided to go back to the owner’s group on Facebook, to see if I had missed anything. You see, in the excitement of finding the original picture outside of the barn, I stopped looking. I was way too happy with finding an original picture. It’s at about this time I started kicking myself, and I’ve not stopped since I found this:
And when I looked at the comments on the post, I was like: “Beasty you thick cunt! You could have known this ages ago!”. Anyway, confirmed. Boat had never been in water previously. So someone has put her in the water since. This partly explains why the transom is in such a mess. Commenter says there was no engine when he got it. So maybe we can blame farmer brown for a few tings eh? Also, a massive assumption here, I don’t think the boat has ever had a name. Which is a little sad, but also cool, because renaming a boat is “said” to be unlucky. See the end of this post for some weird boat wanker stuff.
I found a separate post on the same group with the same image and there was a comment on that too! I have reached out to said person in the hopes I will be able to fill in some of the blanks on the boat’s history.
So I’m trying to piece together this timeline in my head:
- 1981 – Boat Built and sold brand new to Farmer Brown. Location unknown.
- 2016 – Boat sold to Fisherman. Location Bedford.
- 2019 – Boat sold to Snail man. Location Bedford.
- 2024 – Boat Sold to Beasty. Location Bedford.
Does that mean there’s only ever been 4 owners? That’d make life a little easier down the line when trying to register the boat. I just hope Farmer Brown isn’t “Dead Farmer Brown”.
There is no empirical evidence that renaming a boat is unlucky, but some sailors still perform renaming ceremonies as a tradition or to mark a special event. The superstition that renaming a boat is bad luck is rooted in nautical folklore and the idea that you must notify the deities that rule the sea and the elements.
To appease the sea gods and ensure a smooth transition to the new name, sailors have developed elaborate rituals. Some of these rituals include:
Removing all traces of the old name
This includes removing items with the old name from the boat, striking the name from all records, and possibly burning or white-out fluiding the old name.Performing a ceremony
Some people perform a ceremony to ask Poseidon to strike the old name from his records and add the new name. The ceremony may include pouring champagne into the water, chanting to the four winds, and offering other libations to the gods.Placing a green branch on the bow
Some people place a branch of green leaves on the bow to ensure a safe return to land.