Goddamnit! I thought I was done with posting blogs about my boat for a bit but that itemised list of my costs has just reminded me of something.
Down near the bottom of the list you will see a cost of a gazebo for £90. You’re probably wondering what the actual fuck I’d need a gazebo for? Well the plan was to erect said gazebo over the boat to enable me to work on the boat no matter the weather. Fucking amazing plan right? I had the rough measurements of the boat and added a bit more so I would have space to work in, so bought a gazebo appropriately sized for the job. Well I thought it was a good idea, it was winter and I really wanted to work on my boat.
As you may have guessed by now when it comes to practical things I’m inappropriately skilled in so much as I have no skills. I drove down to the boat on a rather windy day to go and set up this gazebo. The plans looked simple enough from the pictures alone, a brief look at the written instructions proved pointless. I am not fluent in Chinglish, hell I struggle with Argos flatpacks. So I unpacked the parts, started building the pole structures, simple enough right? but man I struggled, I eventually got it erected and realised two things:
- My neighbours wouldn’t have any side access to their boats.
- My gazebo was too long and was sitting halfway across the dirt road in front of the boat.
Time to make a plan. As you might be able to tell from the featured image the gazebo was essentially in 3 sections. I decided that if I took a section away I’d not be blocking access to the road. To be fair two sections was just about long enough to cover the length of my boat. Simple! I then went about getting the gazebo cover out. After staring at it for about 10 minutes I knew I was in for a hard time. It was fucking huge!
How the hell was I going to get it over the poles? I needed help, but like with everything else about this boat I was on my own. I struggled for about 45 minutes to get the pole structure partially covered. A sudden gust of wind put paid to that. the cover filled with air, blew off and in the process pulled part of the pole structure down. After rebuilding I started pulling the cover over the poles again. I eventually remembered that I’d shortened the structure and would obviously need to do the same with the cover.
I grabbed my Stanley knife and sliced that bitch hard, Jack The Ripper would have been proud. It was only once I was halfway through my psychotic slicing that I realised I’d cut the wrong section of the covering. For fuck’s fucking sakes! I thought I’d be able to botchdge a plan and managed to get what was left of the covering over the poles (the poles having collapsed several times in the process).
I eventually had some semblance of a covering over my boat and began to secure the ties of the covering to the poles. Another gust of wind. The collapsing of poles and the panic as I clung on to the covering as it tried to launch me into orbit. At this point I was already seething. So I dismantled the gazebo, threw it into my boot and drove home in disgust.
It was only when I got home I read the instructions properly for the first time… take note of instruction 2)
What a Wanchor!
There are no pictures sadly, it was too stressful to remember to take any. The gazebo or what’s left of it much like my rudder is gathering dust in the garage
That’s it, that’s your lot for a bit now. I’m sure you’re all sick of my boat already.