A mantra I have used most of my adult life, which hasn’t quite worked out the way it should have. But enough about that.
It surely can’t have escaped your attention that there are one or two holes in the boat which will require a lot of attention. I’m not quite sure what the previous owner was trying to achieve, but these holes are probably the most important bits to sort at the moment. Yes, I know there’a few more issues to deal with, but these holes need looking at and will require new skills from me.
I have of course named the holes, as only I can for easier reference. If you’re following for the long haul familiarise yourself with these names for later posts. Currently these are the most pressing and most difficult repairs on the boat. In no particular order:
Cock Slot – The previous owner, for reasons unknown has sliced off the top of the transom. I’m guessing it was so he could attach the god awful shed to the cockpit. It’s important that this repair is done to a very high standard (so not by me). The reason for this is because at some point an outboard will be attached here, so the transom needs to be structurally sound. Look at the cute swans and swanlings swanlets baby swans cygnets on the water. Aren’t they cute? Incidentally have you ever seen the size of swan shit? It’s fucking massive!
Glory Hole – No, I haven’t got a clue what was going on here. It sort of looks like a butterfly, but I’m guessing the previous owner needed a glory hole, and in the throws of passion he knew his aim was bad? Either way it needs to be repaired.
Fuck Pit – Best guess here? I reckon the previous owner needed to expand the engine bay in order to more easily remove the engine. Answer me this: If they got the engine in with the existing engine bay, why the need to expand it to get it out? This smacks of a Beasty Botch Job really, so I can’t be too unimpressed with this logic. It makes sense.
Regardless, it needs sorting and I think this will be the hardest one to fix. Having to reconstruct the cockpit floor so it’s strong enough to not cave in when walking on it. Especially if Zed visits, the lardy-arsed motherfucker.
Mirror Mirror – On the wall who’s the sexiest boat owner of them all? No clue what this is all about, I can only imagine it’s akin to mirrors on the ceiling in a cheap motel. Did I mention I have broken the mirror since this picture was taken. Don’t ask how. But not sure whether 7 years of bad luck counts when breaking a mirror on a boat.
Boat wankers have all these weird fucking superstitions. Like bananas. Did you know it’s really bad luck to take a banana on a boat? Don’t believe me? Take a look here and pick your favourite.
Walkie Talkie – Named, simply because it looks like a walkie-talkie. This is the first one I’m going to attempt to repair, it’s the smallest and should be the easiest, and will give me good practice.
So I guess you’re wondering how the fuck someone as useless as me is going to fix all these holes? Easy! I’ve watched this YouTube video countless times. I’ve taken notes, and in fact have even attempted a few expieriments with fibreglass, in the garage and not on the boat. Videos to follow in a later post. I’d not worry too much about clicking on that YouTube video, it’s 50 minutes long and is hardly as exciting as PornHub.